Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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