He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
