What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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