Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
