apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize