Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
