I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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