Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
