I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
