i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
