You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
