drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
