My nipple is on Facebook.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
