how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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