so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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