I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
