First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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