the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
