He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Are my feet made of real feet?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
