The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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