I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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