i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
