You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
