Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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