i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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