real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
