You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my poor anus
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
