I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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