his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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