Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
