i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
