if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
