and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
