I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I supernannyed him into submission
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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