Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i out mim tonsoeep
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