I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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