all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
