have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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