Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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