The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
