SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
