so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
