my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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