yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
