I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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