I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
