i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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