she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
