I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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