also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
