in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
