is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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