we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
