she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
