Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When are your genitals available?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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