I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
