She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
