I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
