Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found puke in my bra..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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