She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
