I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
