i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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