theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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