I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
