I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
