What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
