he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
