is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
