R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
