I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Less talking, more tequila
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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