If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
