I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
