Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You ate ashes out of my bong
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
