I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
