a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
