I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
