He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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