so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
