her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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