Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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