The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
