I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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