the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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