Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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