A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Your dad touched me again.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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