i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
