I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
