Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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