I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
