We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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