Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
