is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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