I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
