I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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