you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
