I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
