dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
